The Reality of the Situation

As a visiting asst. professor I am contingent faculty. I depend on a yearly contract that may or may not be renewed at the end of the year. I teach a bigger load than my tenure-track colleagues, I am expected to publish just as much as they do - yet I am paid a lot less than they are.
A big reason I was hoping for a tenure-track job - apart from the stability - was the raise in pay. I need it. I have bills to pay.
So here I am, racing toward the end of my contract. I have been offered a renewal. I suppose I will take it. I'll just keep teaching more classes, grading more papers, publishing and researching just as much as my colleagues for less pay. Such is the life I have chosen.
So I guess I'll hang on for (yet another) year on the job market. I am probably deluding myself - but I keep thinking if I can just publish one more article, if I can just teach a few more classes - someone, anyone will be willing to offer me a tenure-track job. I'm a hard worker, a good colleague, and I can teach and publish. Something will break my way eventually, right?

Total Waste of Time (and money)

So I got no campus invites. I am left feeling the following things:
1. Complete failure. I have failed at my chosen profession. I thought my career was headed in the right direction, but now it appears that I will never be able to get over the hump.
2. Anger. I can't believe how much time, effort and money I wasted on the job market this year - I want a fucking refund.
3. Uncertainty. I have a family that depends on me. These leads me back to the feelings of failure. Not only have I failed at my profession, but I have failed my family. Now the future is completely uncertain - I have no idea whether I will be collecting a paycheck or have health insurance beyond this spring.
I'm not entirely sure that I can take another year on the "job market". I am seriously contemplating doing something else with my life. And what's stopping me?

Late Night Thought

Can I take another year on the job market? Can I keep putting myself through this?

No campus invite

Just found out I did not get a campus invite for the Famous Land Grant University Located in the Deep South. Fuck. I kind of expected this after my bad interview experience, but it is a disappointment nonetheless.
The tally is grim at this point - 1 interview, 2 open, all the rest rejected. Unemployment looms.

One more rejection

Got an e-mail notifying me that I have been rejected for the fellowship I applied for.
I have the two TT jobs that I just interviewed for, plus 1 open from a few months ago, and now a new one I just applied for. How do you get on food stamps again?

Conference Interview Blues

Winter break flashed by in the twinkling of an eye. In between the overeating, the shitty weather, the travel and all the bullshit inbetween, I was extremely unproductive. That article I was going to finally finish and send to a journal - still stuck in neutral. Progress on my book? Zero. Zilch. Article I submitted a year ago to a journal - still no word from those pricks. But hey, at least I got to grade a massive pile of shitty undergraduate papers. I feel privileged.
One thing did happen though. I had my two interviews at the annual conference. Joy.
Let my begin by bitching about the cost of this. Flight, hotel, exorbitant conference registration fee, food. Throw in the fact that I had to buy a new suit, shoes, shirts, ties - I really took it up the ass on this.
The first interview at - let's call it Directional State University in the South - seemed to go quite well. I felt like I had a good conversation with the committee and we made a connection. I think it is a good fit. I told the committee how their university is very similar to the kind of university I went as an undergraduate. I hope this resonated with them.
How to describe the second interview? The best way may be to address each member of the search committee in epistolary form.
Dear Members of Search Committee at Famous Land Grant University in the Deep South,
Thanks for nothing.
Committee Member A: I don't give a shit who held the job before me, why the position is, like, the most important position in the entire department, and how the department is the most important department at the university, despite the fact that it is a humanities department in a Famous Land Grant University Located in the Deep South. I don't care why the person who held this position last left your Famous Land Grant University. You have all the power. I want a job. You don't need to justify anything to me. I came all this way to justify myself to you. Ask me a question for chrissakes!
Committee Member B: I'm sure your research is the most fascinating research ever. I'm sure you will win awards and accolades and groupies for this research. But I didn't come all this way to listen to you drone on and on about it. I read your damn website, I know what you do. I agree, we have a lot in common. Give me a fucking job and we can talk about it til the cows come home on the University's dime. Right now we're on my dime - and I came here to tell you about ME!!!
Committee Member C: Seriously? Checking your phone two minutes into my interview? What the fuck? How unprofessional and downright rude is that? Sorry I came all tihs way to bore you to tears. Are you hostile to my candidacy? Then don't invite me here. I'd rather stay home, believe me. Sitting there in silence, thumbing through my dossier? Didn't you read it before I came here? Asking me one, super lame, question in the end? Seriously? Yeah, I got no problem teaching a large survey class - I want a job! How should I answer that question? "No, sorry, that's a deal breaker for me. I hate employment." I got bills to pay and mouths to feed, muthafuckas!

So here I am, in the same mood I find myself in at this time of year every year. I fucking hate my career, I hate the douchebags in my profession, I hate that I chose to do this with my life.

Another one down

Scratch another one off the list. Current tally - 2 open TT apps, 2 prelim interviews, 4 TT rejections, 1 non TT rejection, 1 open fellowship app.